Connect with us

society

2023: Outgoing Herdsman, Incoming Bala Blu By Tunde Odesola

Published

on

2023: Outgoing Herdsman, Incoming Bala Blu By Tunde Odesola

Are dogs clairvoyant? People in the market square believe so. Mouths ajar, traders watched as over half a dozen village dogs barked and wagged their tails menacingly against the three notorious town criers, raising dust and eyebrows.

Protected by the king’s baton-wielding guards, the head of the town criers, Hadji Lie, smiled and pretended as if the dogs were the king’s pets. The angry dogs barked the more, advancing and retreating, kicking up more dust, threatening. Whaw! Whaw!!

Hadji Lie’s smile broadened into a grin, revealing an infamous diastema. Like his political party, the Association of Professional Crooks (APC), Hadji Lie is from the tribe of the lion of Judas.

Exceptionally gifted, Hadji Lie doesn’t need to wrack his brain for a lie; all he needs to do is just to open his mouth and the appropriate lie for the occasion will flow, it’s a natural endowment, just like biting is natural to snake.

Close

Like Hadji Lie, the other two town criers, Sherwood Gharubba, and Femi(nine), – so called because he swam nine rivers from his village to earn a place in the king’s palace, wrapped their plain cloths round their bodies and tied them in a knot over their shoulders like the three statues in Lagos.

Hadji Lie: (Stops at the centre of the square, sounding his metal gong and shouting.) Yan uwa! Igbo kwenu! Kere o! (No one responds.) (He smiles, coughs, clears his throat and tries again.)

Hadji Lie: Yan Naijeria! Umu Naija! Gbogbo omo Naija! (A few people stepped out to the front of their stalls to listen. Some murmured, many hissed.)

Hadji Lie: (Continues, unperturbed.) I bring good tidings from the paramount owner of all the living and nonliving things in Naija. I can see everyone, including these friendly dogs (dogs bark), is enjoying the abundant life promised by Hiss Excellency. This time tomorrow, at the same venue, Hiss Excellency wishes to address the Naijerian nation on his eight-year stewardship, and also present to you his worthy successor. In his tradition of transparency, the ultimate monarch will entertain questions from all quarters, including opposition groups and the press. Did I speak well?

(Market people, who had increased in number while Lie was speaking, continued murmuring.)

The next day, the sun scorched the earth. Yet, the market square was like a pack of sardines. If you throw a needle up among the crowd, it can’t find its way to the ground. The needle would be held by the jam-packed bodies of the crowd with grim faces, nostrils blowing hot air and arms with wiry hairs like sandpaper. The Lekki tollgate scene flashed across the minds of the people as the king’s guards whacked batons on people’s heads, telling them to bend down so that people at the high table could have a better view of Hiss Excellency at the podium.

(The MC, Oke Bakassy, introduces the king to a round of applause.)

Hiss Excellency: Fellow Naijerians, I greet you all. My fipu, it is my joy to present my stewardship after almost eight years of meritorious service to God and fatherland. It is a thing of joy to inform you that my administration has cleared the Boko Haram terrorists from the North-East as I promised. It was not an easy task, but commitment, focus and patriotism saw us through.

(Murmurings rend the air.)

Hiss Excellency: It is my joy that my administration has been able to place the nation on the path of economic prosperity, massive employment opportunities, technological breakthroughs, 24-hour power supply, unprecedented improvements in road, health and educational infrastructure, improved agricultural yields, cattle herders’ immunity and Fulani superiority. Unfortunately, some people predicted my death, they even said that I’m dead. They said one Jubrila from the neighbouring village is the one engaging my beautiful wife in the oza room; walahi, e no go better for some fipu…

(Femi(nine) runs up to the king and whispers into his ears.)

Hiss Excellency: Femi(nine), I don’t care if I’m on national TV or not! National TV my foot! Today, this nation will see the oza side of me! Maybe today is the day the dog and the baboon will be soaked in blood. Haba, Naijerians have been very ungrateful to me and my family. They said my wife lives abroad; does she not have freedom of movement? They said my children are superrich; are the children of my predecessors poor? Femi(nine), I’m not seeking an election again, let me tell them a piece of my mind today!…

(Femi(nine) and Gharubba run to the podium to whisper to Hiss Excellency.)

Hiss Excellency: Ok, I’ve calmed down. I’m ready for their questions now. But it’s fire-for-fire today, I swear!

South-East press: Your Excellency, you lied on the issue of insecurity, sir. Insecurity has worsened across the country with banditry, kidnapping and ethnic agitation daily claiming lives across the country.

Hiss Excellency: Are you South-East press or Labour press? May you not labour in vain. I promised an end to Boko Haram, and I have done that; banditry, kidnapping and violent ethnic agitation weren’t deadly when I became president. I didn’t make promises on those. And I’ve said it repeatedly that we’ll speak to your people in the dot of a circle in the language they understand. I’m not joking! Boko Haram is no longer a major threat to my people, you too tell your people to stop the nonsense killings they’re doing.

Pin-Di-Pin: Your administration is the worst in the history of the country in terms of corruption, nepotism, hypocrisy and insensitivity. Banditry in the North, kidnapping nationwide and ethnic agitation in the South-East constitute insecurity…

Hiss Excellency: Eeh! Stop there! Was it not your grand patron, Ebora de Farmer, that introduced corruption to Naijeria’s 4th Republic by bribing to get a third term and impeaching South-East senate presidents? Where are the billions of dollars for electricity that went down the drain during the Ebora-Atike years? Whether you people like it or not, I know who’s going to succeed me.

Market people: Who

Hiss Excellency: The Lion of Bourdillon!

Market people: Ha!?

Hiss Excellency: Yes, because he’s far better and more experienced than the ever lying, whining OB-China, who corruptly muddled family business with state business, and who couldn’t point to one achievement he recorded in Awka, except feed the people with alcohol. (Murmurings.) The god of Bourdillon is incomparable to Atike, the driver of Special Purpose Vehicles of corruption, whose former oga called a thief…Chief Siwaju, the god of Lagos, please, stand up and wave to the crowd.

(Murmurings)

Bourdillon: (Smiles, waves on his seat and attempts to stand up.) He rose halfway to his feet and got stranded, transfixed like a goalkeeper aiming to stop a penalty kick. Some stalwarts rushed to the scene but he remained stooping like a goalkeeper, tamely saying, bala blu, bulaba, probably an incantation to save the 2023 penalty.)

(In the commotion, Hadji Lie rushes to the podium.)

Hadji Lie: Everyone here should be proud to see Bourdillon observing Islamic prayer. I’ve never seen a man so pious. He decided to pray first before anything else…

(Market people, with dropped jaws, looked at one another, shook their heads and began to leave.)

There’s no hope in 2023. Naijeria’s hope lies in restructuring aka true federalism.

society

Group Urges Yorubas To Shun Protest Against Tinubu

Published

on

Group Urges Yorubas To Shun Protest Against Tinubu

 

Group Urges Yorubas To Shun Protest Against Tinubu

 

The Igbimo Asoju Yoruba, a prominent socio-cultural organization, is urging Yorubas to refrain from participating in protests against the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu.

 

 

Group Urges Yorubas To Shun Protest Against Tinubu

In the midst of economic hardship, the organization is calling for unity and calm within the Yoruba community, emphasizing that stability and order will be restored soon.

In a statement signed by the convener of this group, Chief George Olufemi Ogunjimi said in these challenging times, it is crucial for us to come together as a people and focus on finding solutions to the economic challenges facing our community. The Igbimo Asoju Yoruba believes that with collective effort and a spirit of solidarity, we will be able to overcome these difficulties and emerge stronger.

We urge all Yorubas to remain calm and exercise restraint, and to work towards peace and stability. Let us keep faith in the process and believe that things will be in order soon. We trust in the resilience and ingenuity of our people and are confident that together, we will be able to navigate through these tough times.

The Igbimo Asoju Yoruba is committed to promoting the interests and well-being of the Yoruba people, and we call on all Yorubas to join us in working towards a brighter future for our community.

Continue Reading

society

DHQ REFUTES ALLEGATION OF GUARDS BRIGADE PLACED ON HIGH ALERT OVER SUSPICION OF COUP PLOT IN NIGERIA

Published

on

Aare Kakanfo Reveals Why Nigerians Should Be Patient With Tinubu

*DHQ REFUTES ALLEGATION OF GUARDS BRIGADE PLACED ON HIGH ALERT OVER SUSPICION OF COUP PLOT IN NIGERIA

 

1.​The attention of the Defence Headquarters has been drawn to a malicious and unfounded article published online by the Saharareporters.com on 25 February 2024 claiming that the Guards Brigade has been put on high alert following unusual movements, leading to suspicion of a coup plot in Nigeria. The publication also asserted amongst other things that the suspicion prompted emergency meeting involving President Bola Tinubu, the Chief of Staff to the President and Commander of the Guards Brigade.

2.​The Defence Headquarters wishes to categorically state that the allegation is totally false. For the avoidance of doubt, the Guards Brigade has been statutorily assigned the responsibility of protecting the seat of power (The Presidency) and by extension the Federal Capital Territory and its environs. Hence, it is to be noted that the Guards Brigade has always been on high alert in order to effectively executive its assigned tasks.

3.​It will be recalled that the Chief of Defence Staff, General Christopher Musa OFR had in various fora reiterated the unalloyed commitment of members of the Armed Forces of Nigeria to the protection and sustenance of democracy in Nigeria. Therefore, the Defence Headquarters strongly condemn this unsubstantiated assertion which is just a figment of imagination of the publisher and enjoins members of the public to disregard it.

4.​Furthermore, the Defence Headquarters calls on relavant security agencies to immediately take appropriate action against the Sahara Reporters for this unpatriotic action. Meanwhile, the Defence Headquarters will seek legal redress on the issue which has the ulterior motive of creating unnecessary tension in the country.

5.​Kindly disseminate for the general public awareness.

Signed:
TUKUR GUSAU
Brigadier General
25 February2024 Acting Director Defence Information

Continue Reading

society

Former Gov Yahaya Bello’s legacy in infrastructure, health, others worth emulating, says Nigerian Guild of Editors

Published

on

Former Gov Yahaya Bello's legacy in infrastructure, health, others worth emulating, says Nigerian Guild of Editors

Former Gov Yahaya Bello’s legacy in infrastructure, health, others worth emulating, says Nigerian Guild of Editors

. Declares ‘Kogi State is working, editors highly impressed’

The Nigerian Guild of Editors has commended the Kogi State Government for what it described as a highly impressive performance in infrastructure, education and health.

 

 

 

The Guild gave the commendation during a tour of some of the projects initiated and completed under the administration of former Governor Yahaya Bello.

 

 

Former Gov Yahaya Bello's legacy in infrastructure, health, others worth emulating, says Nigerian Guild of Editors

 

 

The President of the Nigerian Guild of Editors, Eze Anaba, who briefed journalists at the end of the project tour, specifically said, from what he and other editors had seen, first-hand, the former governor had left a legacy worthy of emulation in critical sectors.

He, however, added that the current Governor of the state, Alhaji Usman Ododo, was doing well to consolidate on the good work of his predecessor.

The NGE was in Lokoja to hold its standing committee meeting. In all, about 40 editors, across the print, electronic and online media participated in the meeting. The editors used the opportunity to inspect some of the projects executed by the past administration in the state.

According to the NGE President, the Reference Hospital in Okene is one that can help the country in the area of medical tourism.

“Recently, the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria told the whole world that medical tourism alone was costing this country a fortune. So, if Nigerians patronise this hospital, it will save this country a lot of money and help put our economy in good shape. With what we have seen here, Nigerians should be happy for it,” he said.

He stated, “The immediate past administration has left a legacy worthy of emulation. I am appealing to the current administration to consolidate on the good work of the immediate past Governor of the state because he has done a lot in education, health and infrastructure development and such achievements should be sustained by the present administration.

“I and other members of the NGE have gone round projects executed by the Governor Yahaya Bello-led administration and I am saying this without mincing words that Kogi State is working and the current administration under Alhaji Ahmed Usman Ododo is doing well to sustain the legacies of his former boss.

“Democracy is about the people and the facilities we have seen, including the network of roads. If the road network is strong like we saw, I am sure Nigeria will be better for it. I am highly commending the State Government for what my team and I have seen so far.

“Government is a continuum. I would advise the current Government to follow the footstep of his predecessors. It is only in that way the Citizens will benefit and Kogi State will become the best place in the Country. People will know that democracy has taken root in Kogi State and the people are benefitting.

“At the end of the day, Governance is about the people. From what I have seen, from what my colleagues saw, Kogi is working in terms of education infrastructure and medical care.

“From a lay man perspective, I am not a Doctor. From what the Doctors have told me and my team and what we saw with our eyes, it is hugely impressive. The MRI machine and other laboratory equipment are very impressive. I have to commend the Kogi State Government for making this available.

“I would advise the people to put this to test and if this works, they will save Nigeria huge sums of money. Recently, the CBN Governor told the whole world that medical tourism alone is costing this country a fortune. So, if Nigerians patronise this hospital, it will save this country a lot of money and put our economy in good shape. What we have seen here, Nigeria should be happy for it.”

The Commissioner for Information in Kogi State, Kingsley Fanwo; and his Health counterpart, Dr. Adams Abdulazeez, thanked the editors for finding time to inspect the projects and encouraged them to tell Nigerians exactly what they saw.

“If we are to go round all the projects initiated and completed under the immediate past administration in Kogi State, you will be here for more than one week. There was massive projects execution,” Fanwo told the editors.

Continue Reading

Trending