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2023: Outgoing Herdsman, Incoming Bala Blu By Tunde Odesola

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2023: Outgoing Herdsman, Incoming Bala Blu By Tunde Odesola

Are dogs clairvoyant? People in the market square believe so. Mouths ajar, traders watched as over half a dozen village dogs barked and wagged their tails menacingly against the three notorious town criers, raising dust and eyebrows.

Protected by the king’s baton-wielding guards, the head of the town criers, Hadji Lie, smiled and pretended as if the dogs were the king’s pets. The angry dogs barked the more, advancing and retreating, kicking up more dust, threatening. Whaw! Whaw!!

Hadji Lie’s smile broadened into a grin, revealing an infamous diastema. Like his political party, the Association of Professional Crooks (APC), Hadji Lie is from the tribe of the lion of Judas.

Exceptionally gifted, Hadji Lie doesn’t need to wrack his brain for a lie; all he needs to do is just to open his mouth and the appropriate lie for the occasion will flow, it’s a natural endowment, just like biting is natural to snake.

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Like Hadji Lie, the other two town criers, Sherwood Gharubba, and Femi(nine), – so called because he swam nine rivers from his village to earn a place in the king’s palace, wrapped their plain cloths round their bodies and tied them in a knot over their shoulders like the three statues in Lagos.

Hadji Lie: (Stops at the centre of the square, sounding his metal gong and shouting.) Yan uwa! Igbo kwenu! Kere o! (No one responds.) (He smiles, coughs, clears his throat and tries again.)

Hadji Lie: Yan Naijeria! Umu Naija! Gbogbo omo Naija! (A few people stepped out to the front of their stalls to listen. Some murmured, many hissed.)

Hadji Lie: (Continues, unperturbed.) I bring good tidings from the paramount owner of all the living and nonliving things in Naija. I can see everyone, including these friendly dogs (dogs bark), is enjoying the abundant life promised by Hiss Excellency. This time tomorrow, at the same venue, Hiss Excellency wishes to address the Naijerian nation on his eight-year stewardship, and also present to you his worthy successor. In his tradition of transparency, the ultimate monarch will entertain questions from all quarters, including opposition groups and the press. Did I speak well?

(Market people, who had increased in number while Lie was speaking, continued murmuring.)

The next day, the sun scorched the earth. Yet, the market square was like a pack of sardines. If you throw a needle up among the crowd, it can’t find its way to the ground. The needle would be held by the jam-packed bodies of the crowd with grim faces, nostrils blowing hot air and arms with wiry hairs like sandpaper. The Lekki tollgate scene flashed across the minds of the people as the king’s guards whacked batons on people’s heads, telling them to bend down so that people at the high table could have a better view of Hiss Excellency at the podium.

(The MC, Oke Bakassy, introduces the king to a round of applause.)

Hiss Excellency: Fellow Naijerians, I greet you all. My fipu, it is my joy to present my stewardship after almost eight years of meritorious service to God and fatherland. It is a thing of joy to inform you that my administration has cleared the Boko Haram terrorists from the North-East as I promised. It was not an easy task, but commitment, focus and patriotism saw us through.

(Murmurings rend the air.)

Hiss Excellency: It is my joy that my administration has been able to place the nation on the path of economic prosperity, massive employment opportunities, technological breakthroughs, 24-hour power supply, unprecedented improvements in road, health and educational infrastructure, improved agricultural yields, cattle herders’ immunity and Fulani superiority. Unfortunately, some people predicted my death, they even said that I’m dead. They said one Jubrila from the neighbouring village is the one engaging my beautiful wife in the oza room; walahi, e no go better for some fipu…

(Femi(nine) runs up to the king and whispers into his ears.)

Hiss Excellency: Femi(nine), I don’t care if I’m on national TV or not! National TV my foot! Today, this nation will see the oza side of me! Maybe today is the day the dog and the baboon will be soaked in blood. Haba, Naijerians have been very ungrateful to me and my family. They said my wife lives abroad; does she not have freedom of movement? They said my children are superrich; are the children of my predecessors poor? Femi(nine), I’m not seeking an election again, let me tell them a piece of my mind today!…

(Femi(nine) and Gharubba run to the podium to whisper to Hiss Excellency.)

Hiss Excellency: Ok, I’ve calmed down. I’m ready for their questions now. But it’s fire-for-fire today, I swear!

South-East press: Your Excellency, you lied on the issue of insecurity, sir. Insecurity has worsened across the country with banditry, kidnapping and ethnic agitation daily claiming lives across the country.

Hiss Excellency: Are you South-East press or Labour press? May you not labour in vain. I promised an end to Boko Haram, and I have done that; banditry, kidnapping and violent ethnic agitation weren’t deadly when I became president. I didn’t make promises on those. And I’ve said it repeatedly that we’ll speak to your people in the dot of a circle in the language they understand. I’m not joking! Boko Haram is no longer a major threat to my people, you too tell your people to stop the nonsense killings they’re doing.

Pin-Di-Pin: Your administration is the worst in the history of the country in terms of corruption, nepotism, hypocrisy and insensitivity. Banditry in the North, kidnapping nationwide and ethnic agitation in the South-East constitute insecurity…

Hiss Excellency: Eeh! Stop there! Was it not your grand patron, Ebora de Farmer, that introduced corruption to Naijeria’s 4th Republic by bribing to get a third term and impeaching South-East senate presidents? Where are the billions of dollars for electricity that went down the drain during the Ebora-Atike years? Whether you people like it or not, I know who’s going to succeed me.

Market people: Who

Hiss Excellency: The Lion of Bourdillon!

Market people: Ha!?

Hiss Excellency: Yes, because he’s far better and more experienced than the ever lying, whining OB-China, who corruptly muddled family business with state business, and who couldn’t point to one achievement he recorded in Awka, except feed the people with alcohol. (Murmurings.) The god of Bourdillon is incomparable to Atike, the driver of Special Purpose Vehicles of corruption, whose former oga called a thief…Chief Siwaju, the god of Lagos, please, stand up and wave to the crowd.

(Murmurings)

Bourdillon: (Smiles, waves on his seat and attempts to stand up.) He rose halfway to his feet and got stranded, transfixed like a goalkeeper aiming to stop a penalty kick. Some stalwarts rushed to the scene but he remained stooping like a goalkeeper, tamely saying, bala blu, bulaba, probably an incantation to save the 2023 penalty.)

(In the commotion, Hadji Lie rushes to the podium.)

Hadji Lie: Everyone here should be proud to see Bourdillon observing Islamic prayer. I’ve never seen a man so pious. He decided to pray first before anything else…

(Market people, with dropped jaws, looked at one another, shook their heads and began to leave.)

There’s no hope in 2023. Naijeria’s hope lies in restructuring aka true federalism.

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“We Now Have Four Arms of Government”: VeryDarkMan Returns With Fiery Message After EFCC Detention

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“We Now Have Four Arms of Government”: VeryDarkMan Returns With Fiery Message After EFCC Detention

“We Now Have Four Arms of Government”: VeryDarkMan Returns With Fiery Message After EFCC Detention

ABUJA — Controversial activist Martins Otse Vincent, popularly known as VeryDarkMan (VDM), has sent shockwaves through Nigeria’s political and digital spheres after making a defiant return to social media following his release from EFCC detention.

VDM, who was arrested on May 2 for allegedly shunning multiple invitations from the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, wasted no time reigniting public discourse. In a viral video that surfaced shortly after his release, the unapologetically blunt commentator delivered a scorching critique of Nigeria’s governance structure.

“We now have four arms of government,” he declared. “The Legislative Arm, the Judicial Arm, the Executive Arm… and the Ratel Movement. We just starting.”

The term “Ratel Movement”—believed to be his symbolic call for radical civic awakening—has ignited a firestorm of debate online. Though cryptic, VDM’s reference appears to position his brand of activism as a parallel force to traditional institutions, a move seen by many as a direct challenge to the Nigerian establishment.

The activist capped his address with a chilling signature phrase:

“Y’all will learn. Don’t play.”

The sign-off, widely interpreted as a veiled jab at the EFCC, has amplified speculation about the nature of his arrest and the boundaries of dissent in Nigeria.

VDM’s reappearance has sparked polarised reactions across social media and political circles. While some hailed him as a fearless voice in a system rife with injustice, others accused him of grandstanding and trivializing governance with populist rhetoric.

Political analysts are watching closely, warning that VDM’s growing influence—especially among youth—could reshape the narrative around activism, accountability, and state power in the digital age.

Meanwhile, the EFCC has not officially commented on the activist’s release or his subsequent outburst.

As the Ratel Movement gains traction and conversation around institutional credibility intensifies, one thing is clear: VeryDarkMan’s message is loud, disruptive, and far from over.

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Pastor Oyediran celebrates a remarkable achievement…..

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Pastor Oyediran celebrates a remarkable achievement....

Pastor Oyediran celebrates a remarkable achievement as his son, Oluwatimilehin Oyediran, earns a Master’s degree in Computer Science

 

…Paving the way for a brighter future

 

~By Oluwaseun Fabiyi

 

A celebratory atmosphere was palpable on Friday, May 9th, 2025, as a father shared his heartfelt congratulations with his son, Oluwatimilehin Oyediran, on completing his master’s degree in Computer Science at Alabama University in the United States of America

 

Pastor Oyediran celebrates a remarkable achievement....

 

Pastor Oyediran commenced his congratulatory message to his remarkable son, Oluwatimilehin Oyediran, by saying, “Big congratulations to you, my esteemed son, a proficient computer scientist, Oluwatimilehin Oyediran, for earning a master’s degree in Computer Science.”

 

According to a statement released by his media aide Oluwaseun Fabiyi, “My first and most important decision was to have you, which I have never regretted despite the numerous challenges and circumstances surrounding the world. Although you have never given your parents cause for concern, you confront your problems head-on like a mature man, face your challenges fearlessly and tackle obstacles with the ferocity of an eagle.”

 

When you first informed me that you would pursue computer science as your course of study, I had some reservations, not because I doubted your intellectual capabilities or perseverance, but because I knew you preferred to avoid stress, which is why I was somewhat skeptical, although I have faith that you will succeed

 

I appreciate your diligent efforts, which have not failed to impress me, and I am grateful that you have brought us honor. As a son of proud parents, you have proven your merit, and I am delighted to extend special congratulations to you on this exceptional accomplishment, dear son.

 

May you continue to attain greater heights in Jesus’ name. I am particularly proud of you. I wish you continued success. Congratulations once more my forever boyfriend.

 

Oluwaseun Fabiyi a seasoned journalist writes from Lagos, Nigeria.

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UBA’s Abiodun Coker Named “Future Leader in Media Management” at The Industry Summit/Awards

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UBA’s Abiodun Coker Named “Future Leader in Media Management” at The Industry Summit/Awards

UBA’s Abiodun Coker Named “Future Leader in Media Management” at The Industry Summit/Awards

The communications team at United Bank for Africa (UBA) has another reason to celebrate as Abiodun Coker, Media & External Relations Lead, has been honored with the “Future Leader in Media Management” award at the upcoming 6th edition of The Industry Summit/Awards.

UBA’s Abiodun Coker Named “Future Leader in Media Management” at The Industry Summit/Awards

Organized by The Industry Newspaper, the leading brand marketing publication in West Africa — the prestigious awards recognize outstanding professionals shaping the future of brand marketing and communications across the region.

The award jury, chaired by Mr. Tolulope Ogunjobi, renowned broadcast business correspondent and Business Editor at TVC News, cited Coker’s exceptional achievements in the public relations field during the year 2024. Particularly noted were his masterful handling of UBA’s 2024 Rights Issue, which successfully closed on December 24, 2024, and the impactful execution of the bank’s 75th Anniversary Campaign, both of which were described as commendable and exceptional.

A seasoned professional, Coker’s journey from an acclaimed financial journalist at BusinessDay Newspapers to a powerhouse in corporate communications has been nothing short of inspiring. With over eight years of robust journalism experience, coupled with leadership roles at top-tier public relations firms such as BD Consult Ltd and Quadrant, he has consistently demonstrated his ability to transform and manage leading brands successfully.

According to the jury, Coker’s management of UBA’s media ecosystem during the year under review was remarkable, with several media professionals praising his public relations craftsmanship and ability to skillfully manage the image of one of Africa’s most formidable financial brands.

“Abiodun Coker’s achievements in 2024 are a beacon for greater accomplishments ahead,” the jury noted. “He is undoubtedly one of the strategic communication experts to watch in 2025.”

The Industry Summit and Awards held on Friday, May 2, 2025, at CIBN House, Adeola Hopewell, Victoria Island, Lagos, and the awards ceremony took place at the Civic Centre, Victoria Island, Lagos.

Abiodun Coker’s recognition further cements his growing reputation as one of Nigeria’s most dynamic and future-ready communications leaders, with his eyes firmly set on redefining the media management landscape.

He is purposefully forging his path at UBA Group, widely regarded as a formidable team player in the communication strategic industry, his contributions are both impactful and impossible to overlook. He is undoubtedly a strong candidate for future leadership roles in the communications industry.

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