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7 Reasons Nigerian Marriages Are Crashing In The UK

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7 Reasons Nigerian Marriages Are Crashing In The UK

7 Reasons Nigerian Marriages Are Crashing In The UK

 

 

Nigerian Marriages always appear solid and formidable until the union gets a visa. The moment it passes through the UK Point of Entry, it starts to develop cracks until it takes more falls than the Naira under the current Tinubu administration. In this piece, I will be taking a dive into the common reasons why Nigerian marriages struggle on UK soil.

 

7 Reasons Nigerian Marriages Are Crashing In The UK

(1). Personal Vendetta:
Marriage as an institution in Nigeria is modeled around patriarchy – a system of male dominance. In this case, the man is the king while the woman is the queen. As you know, the king dominates the queen, and nothing he does is wrong in most cases (especially for the wealthy men). The woman could be forced to endure physical, verbal, psychological, financial abuse, and lots more. She stands to get mocked if her marriage crashes. This creates age-long bitterness and a cold war in the union. Women have a long memory and they hardly forgive. The moment the marriage transits to a society that gives women an upper hand against men, they come for their pound of flesh like Shylock. This destroys the foundation and subsequently brings it to an end.

(2). Level Playing field:
Marriage in Nigeria is a bit lopsided in terms of the professional profiles of the couples. In some cases, the husband might be a doctor while the wife might be selling beauty products or other petty items that cannot sustain her financially. The man steps in, and this gives him an undue edge in the marriage. In the UK where a hard-working bartender can match a nurse financially, and there is a level playing ground, power changes hands. The man who might be an alpha male loses that edge. This kind of equality – an unfamiliar territory for the man, if not well-managed might be the collapse of the marriage.

(3). Cultural Issues:
In the UK, the difference between a man and a woman might be that one menstruates and the other doesn’t. In fact, people switch genders according to their moods. In simple terms, there is no duty/responsibility that is totally exclusive to a man or woman. Over here, men go to the market, clean, wash, cook, babysit, run errands, and also fund the home. Local champions who are used to being served like emperors by their wives might struggle to cope with the new environment and could feel short-changed.

(4). Busy Schedules:
It is no longer news that the cost of living in the UK is as high as a COVID-19 patient’s temperature. In my previous articles, I have overemphasized how people inevitably work for long hours in order to cope with rising living expenses and financial demands from their families back home. This might affect bonding between young couples and reduce intimacy. Most times, when one party is ready for a “mid-section parley”, the other might be unavailable due to conflicting shift patterns, not being in the mood due to mental or physical stress. This gradually takes a negative toll on the marriage.

(5). Women Are Powerful Abroad:
In the West, there are checks to prevent the domination of women by men. This has made women so powerful. In the event of a conflict, the odds are always against the men. The Spanish FA chief, Luis Rubiales learned the hard way for controversially kissing midfielder, Jennifer Hermoso at the recently concluded 2023 Women’s World Cup. Also in February 2021, Yoshiro Mori – head of the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games Organising Committee, was coerced into resigning after saying ‘women talk too much in meetings’. Former Manchester United player, Mason Greenwood apparently ruined his career due to struggles with his partner. In marriage, some women mischievously abuse their powers. A colleague lost his marriage of 5 years after his wife reportedly abused him physically multiple times. A behaviour that was never evident in Nigeria according to him.

(6). Cheating:
A randy man who is obsessed with beautiful women would easily make mistakes in the UK. The UK exposes you to numerous women of different shapes, forms, and beauty. If you think you have seen it all, you need to see the Jamaican, Somalian, Pakistani, Iranian, curvy Kenyans, and some pretty Indian women. It is not just how they look alone but what they are wearing. Some of them might fancy you and might be willing to hand you the cookie on a platter of gold. There are also several single mothers who have nothing to lose. They are ready to ‘share it’ graciously like the Federal Government palliatives across their community. One person’s husband might be hooked to the detriment of his marriage.

(7). Finances:
Another area of challenge in a UK home is money. In an informal survey I personally conducted, I realized it is the most common problem around. It is extremely difficult for a man to singlehandedly foot the household bills in the UK. Paying for everything is easily obtainable in Nigeria where the cost of living is lower. A woman who is used to the Nigerian system might be hoarding cash, and under-declaring her finances. This is done to force the man to fill the vacuum. This creates discontentment, and over time, frustration starts to hit the man. He might be tempted to seek solace outside the marriage to boost his mental health.

Osahon George Osayimwen is a Journalist and a Developmental Psychologist. He writes from the South Yorkshire region of England.

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Alleged Manipulation of Defilement Case Sparks Call for Review of Legal Advice in Lagos

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Alleged Manipulation of Defilement Case Sparks Call for Review of Legal Advice in Lagos

By Ifeoma Ikem

 

A legal controversy has emerged in Lagos following a petition seeking a review of a legal advice issued in a case involving two female teachers accused of negligence in a child injury incident at a nursery school in Ikorodu.

The petition, submitted by Crown Cannan Attorneys, urges the Lagos State Ministry of Justice to reconsider the legal advice issued on September 16, 2022, in the case titled Commissioner of Police vs. Ambassador Rukayat Tobiloba and Rukayat Lawal.

Addressed to the former Lagos State Attorney-General and Commissioner for Justice, Moyosore Onigbanjo, the application argues that the legal advice may have been influenced by what the petition describes as a “deliberate manipulation of facts.”

According to counsel representing the defendants, the allegations stem from an incident that allegedly occurred on October 26, 2021, at Great Kezino Nursery and Primary School located in the Adamo area of Ikorodu, Lagos.

The defendants, Ambassador Rukayat Tobiloba, 26, and Rukayat Lawal, 24, were reportedly the class teacher and assistant class teacher respectively in charge of a Nursery One class where the incident occurred.

Court documents indicate that a three-year-old pupil, identified as Victim A, was reportedly injured after another pupil allegedly pierced a pencil into her private part during school hours.

The prosecution claims the incident occurred due to the failure of the teachers to exercise adequate care and supervision over the children under their custody.

Based on this allegation, the two educators were charged with negligence under Section 252 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2015, which addresses acts that may cause harm through lack of proper care.

The defendants were subsequently arraigned before Magistrate Court No. 2 in Ikeja on April 19, 2022, where they faced a one-count charge relating to the incident.

During the investigation conducted at the Gender Unit of the Lagos State Police Command in Ikeja, several civil society groups reportedly monitored the proceedings.

Among them were representatives of the African Women Lawyers Association (AWLA) and other non-governmental organizations.

These groups reportedly raised concerns about what they described as a growing tendency to weaponise allegations of child abuse in ways that could unfairly damage reputations and careers.

In its petition, the defence team argued that the case deserves a fresh review to ensure that justice is served based on verified facts rather than assumptions or public pressure.

They urged the Ministry of Justice to carefully reassess the legal advice and the circumstances surrounding the investigation to determine whether the prosecution should proceed as currently framed.

Legal observers say the outcome of the requested review could determine the next stage of the case and may also highlight broader concerns about investigative procedures and child protection cases within the justice system.

Reacting to a viral social media post by Ambassador Rukayat Tobiloba, who claimed she might be jailed for defilement, the head teacher of Great Kezino Nursery and Primary School, Mrs. Edaolaropin Toyin, provided the school’s account of events.

According to her, the pupil identified as Victim A was enrolled in the Nursery One class on September 20, 2021, which had about 15 pupils.

She explained that on October 26, 2021, the pupil was transported home on the school bus after closing hours and handed over to her father around 4:30 p.m.

“Later that night, the pupil’s mother allegedly contacted the head teacher, claiming her daughter cried while bathing and alleged that a male classmate, Victim B, had inserted a pencil into her private part during school hours,” she said.

The school, however, rejected the allegation, maintaining that no such incident occurred while the child was in its custody.

“The following morning, the teacher visited the pupil’s home, where the father reportedly denied the mother’s account of the incident,” Toyin added.

She said the situation escalated later that day when the child’s parents arrived at the school with police officers from Imota Police Station demanding that the alleged male classmate be produced.

The head teacher further stated that the school management had supported Tobiloba throughout the legal process.

“Since the incident happened, the school management has never stopped supporting Tobiloba’s welfare until last year when she sent a WhatsApp message saying she was no longer interested in the court matter, claiming she had relocated to Ibadan,” she said.

She described the claims currently circulating on social media as “defamatory narratives.”

 

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GEN CG MUSA SUPPORT INITIATIVE MOURNS FALLEN HEROES AND URGES UNITY IN SECURITY SUPPORT

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*GEN CG MUSA SUPPORT INITIATIVE MOURNS FALLEN HEROES AND URGES UNITY IN SECURITY SUPPORT

 

The Gen Christopher Gwabin Musa Support Initiative (GCGMSI) expresses its heartfelt condolences to His Excellency Gen Christopher Gwabin Musa OFR, Minister of Defence of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Grand Patron of the Initiative, and the families of the fallen heroes who courageously lost their lives in a recent attack by ISWAP in Konduga, Marte, Jakana, and Dalori in Borno State, northeast Nigeria. Among the tragic losses were three senior military commanders: Major U.I. Mairiga, Lt-Col Umar Faruq, and Lt-Col S.I. Iliyasu, who dedicated their lives to the service of our nation.

The GCGMSI implores the public to continue supporting our security agencies, emphasizing that the safety and security of our nation is a collective responsibility. Every day, our security forces pay the ultimate price to safeguard our country. We urge the public to remain supportive, pray for their success, and refrain from politicizing the security challenges we face.

This was contained in a statement signed by the Convener, Ibrahim Dahiru Danfulani Sadaukin Garkuwan Keffi/Betara Biu, which has been made available to the press. The statement highlights the initiative’s profound concern for the losses sustained by our security personnel and reflects on the broader security situation in Nigeria.

In his unwavering commitment to addressing the insecurity plaguing our nation, the Minister of Defence, Gen Christopher Gwabin Musa, has consistently engaged in urgent meetings with service chiefs, reinforcing strategic plans to combat threats and enhance national security. His leadership and decisive actions demonstrate a dedication to restoring peace and stability across our regions, ensuring a safer environment for all Nigerians.

GEN CG MUSA SUPPORT INITIATIVE MOURNS FALLEN HEROES AND URGES UNITY IN SECURITY SUPPORT

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SECURITY IS A SHARED RESPONSIBILITY: BACKING OUR MINISTER OF DEFENCE GEN. CHRISTOPHER GWABIN MUSA OFR

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SECURITY IS A SHARED RESPONSIBILITY: BACKING OUR MINISTER OF DEFENCE GEN. CHRISTOPHER GWABIN MUSA OFR By Ibrahim Dahiru Danfulani

SECURITY IS A SHARED RESPONSIBILITY: BACKING OUR MINISTER OF DEFENCE GEN. CHRISTOPHER GWABIN MUSA OFR

By Ibrahim Dahiru Danfulani

 

In these challenging times, it is essential for all Nigerians to rally behind our leaders, particularly His Excellency Gen. Christopher Gwabin Musa OFR, the Minister of Defence. The security of our nation is not a matter to be taken lightly or politicized. Gen. Musa, recognized for his unwavering dedication and sacrifice, has served our country commendably throughout his life.

Following the recent reshuffle of service chiefs by President Asiwaju Bola Ahamed Tinubu GCFR, which resulted in Gen. Musa’s retirement as Chief of Defence Staff, many voiced their concerns. Yet, upon his appointment as Minister of Defence, there was a renewed sense of hope among the populace. Gen. Musa has embraced his role with an unwavering commitment, often sacrificing his rest to ensure the safety and security of our great nation.

While it is undeniable that Nigeria faces security challenges, we must approach these issues with unity rather than division. It is crucial to recognize that those who politicize our national security are often those who have not contributed positively to the success of our security agencies. Instead of spreading negativity, we should support Gen. Musa in his mission to restore peace and stability.

SECURITY IS A SHARED RESPONSIBILITY: BACKING OUR MINISTER OF DEFENCE GEN. CHRISTOPHER GWABIN MUSA OFR

By Ibrahim Dahiru Danfulani

To achieve our collective goal of a secure Nigeria, we must provide Gen. Musa with the trust he deserves. His vision and determination, paired with our support and prayers, can pave the way to overcoming the challenges we face. It’s time for every Nigerian to put aside political differences and work together for the common good. Let us have faith in our leaders and trust in Gen. Musa’s ability to steer our nation towards safety and security.

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